Words Matter
What you say changes the world
Once upon a time, back in my college days, a friend of mine got mad at me. I had addressed a group as “hey guys,” but the group included people of multiple genders.
My friend thought I should have used “hey everyone” or “hey y’all” or “hey team” instead. They pointed out that “hey guys” gets used to describe everyone, but to call a mixed-gender group “hey gals” is likely to be insulting. They said that masculinity is so normal that anything else seems abnormal and less powerful. Otherwise, why would people be offended if I called them “hey gals?”
I could see my friend’s point, but I also scoffed a bit. At the time, I didn’t think a tiny word choice mattered that much. Now, after many years studying and researching the power of words, I think differently. What changed my mind? Let me tell you a bit of the story.
But first, I’ll interrupt my regularly scheduled programming to announce a special bonus feature in this month’s newsletter: a playlist! To draw upon my background in music, and to have fun while being nerdy about communication concepts, I’ve compiled songs that focus on the power of words. Please give it a listen and share it widely. It’s public and free to everyone. You can also follow me on Spotify. If y’all like this bonus feature, I’ll offer more communication-themed playlists in the future.
Some tunes on this playlist are serious, and some are silly. Check out “Onomatopoeia” for a giggle. Some, like “More than words” and “Body language,” address what words cannot express. Others search for new words when current ones don’t suffice. Listen to Gabe Bondoc’s “Dictionary” for that theme. The genres include jazz (Andrés Cepeda and Sarah Vaughn), pop, rock, R&B/soul (Queen Naija), and reggaeton (Josue Escogido). Whatever your musical taste, you’ll probably find something you like. The songs span every decade from the 1960s to the present, except for the 1970s. (Btw, if you know a good song about words from that decade, please drop me a comment.) And they are sung in English, Portuguese, Russian, and Spanish. Just for funsies (as a loved one likes to say), I’ve peppered this newsletter issue with titles and lyrics from these songs.
So, what makes words so special that all these singers croon about them? Communication research has some answers for that.
Наши слова Меняют мир: Our Words Change The World
Words describe the world around us. When we need a poetic account of an experience, we can—as the song on the playlist says—unpack our adjectives. Words can paint a picture for someone else, even if they haven’t seen the same thing we have.
But words do more than merely describe the world. People say that words touch them. They can affect us like a warm embrace. People also say that someone’s words can be a gut punch, as if they deliver the force of an angry fist.
Because words do things, sometimes words don’t come easy. We fear that if we say something, the person who hears our words is “just gonna get up and run,” as Alesso and Zara Larsson worry. We recognize times when, as Tori Kelly does, we must choose our words real carefully. For all these reasons, people hold back from saying things, and sometimes the unspoken reminds us, as does Skylar Grey, that we can’t take back the words we never said.
Scientists agree with these singers that words have a huge impact. Starting in the 1920s, two dudes named Sapir and Whorf developed a theory that continues to be influential. Now known as the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis, their work suggests that words shape how people think about the world.
Research confirms their theory. English, as you know, has just one word for blue. But Russian has two: синий means dark blue, and голубой means light blue. How does this difference influence people’s cognition? It turns out that Russian speakers can more easily distinguish these two shades than can English speakers. Similarly, bilingual people who speak both Lithuanian (which has two words for blue) and Norwegian (which has only one) more quickly identify light blue when they are using Lithuanian. Taken together, these studies and others demonstrate this principle: Words don’t just describe the world as it already exists. They also change how we experience and perceive it.
In another example of this principle, words affect how the youngest among us dream about their futures. When people use male generics (e.g., “policeman” or “chairman” or “businessman” rather than “police officer” or “chair” or “business person”), kids are likely to imagine only men in those roles. Further, when people of any age use these gendered nouns, those who speak and hear them are more likely to have negative gender stereotypes and accompanying bias. For this reason, many communication experts recommend using gender-neutral terms.
Some people might worry that using gender-neutral terms could have negative effects on men, but there isn’t evidence of that happening. Researchers looked at how gender-neutral terms impacted people reading a job ad. They found that men were just as likely to feel included when the ad used “they” and “them” instead of “he” and “him.” Women and femmes were more likely to imagine themselves in the job when the ad used “they” instead of “he.” So, in employment contexts, there’s really no drawback to using “they” unless a company actively wants to exclude women, femmes, trans, and nonbinary people from a job. If you’re looking to hire, use “they” in your job calls to help you to attract the most qualified candidates across the gender spectrum.
When Words Can’t Describe, We Need a New Word
Despite the power of words, sometimes they fail us. We’ll notice something that no term can adequately describe. Or we’ll experience something so unusual or special that language hasn’t caught up to us yet. Luckily, language is a living, dynamic system that each of us makes. Its limits spur creativity, and people invent new words all the time.
When I was born, the rarely used word “googol” meant the number 1 with one hundred zeros after it. Now, if you utter that word, people will automatically assume you have said “google,” the verb that means to search for information on the internet. Neither the phenomenon nor the word for it were around just years ago.
People will also change the meaning of existing words. In a powerful example, the word “queer” was once an insult, but the LGBTQ+ community now embraces it with pride. Because words constantly shift, the cool folks over at Merriam-Webster regularly update their dictionary. You can find terms added in 2024 here.
Those Sweet Words
So, what do you do with all this info? Words shape us all the time, and they also shape the people around us. Saying “hey guys” does something different from saying “hey team.”
Strong as that impact is, words aren’t the only thing that shape the world, so if you want to start a revolution, they can’t be your sole tool. And language is complicated, so the same word won’t mean the same thing to every person, in every context. Because of that variation and complexity, there’s no perfect way to pick your words, and no one “right” way to speak.
But we each have a lot of power to choose words that amplify our values. They provide a playground to connect with people, offer affirmation, and welcome the many ways people show up in our lives.
For now, I’ll leave you with words from the lyrics of Mayra Andrade’s song, “Palavra:”
Palavra:
De vivo é vento
De morto é herança
De honra é avalGritado é força
Às vez é fraqueza
Rimado é beleza
Rumado é blá-blá
Xintido é oraçon
Words:
Of the living are wind
Of the deceased, heritage
Of honor, a guaranteeShouted, they’re strength
Sometimes they’re weakness
Rhymed, they’re beauty
Highfalutin, they’re chatter
Heartfelt, they’re prayer
Want to read more words from me? Please subscribe! I’ll post the next issue of CommuniKate on July 7.
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For even more of my words, stay tuned for my second book, Transforming Trauma: A Relational Approach to Disorganizing Systemic Violence. It’ll be out in October 2025.